The Billboard Music Awards are not about the awards. There is not a single person who thinks that. They’re about the ceremonials, and they’re about the performances. You’re here to catch up on those, right? Let us help.
Our Girl Carly Rae Jepsen was awesome.
As a performance, perhaps this wasn’t strictly awesome, but I love it anyway: the almost-too-quiet “come on, sing it if you know it” (who doesn’t?) or the mall-performance-writ-colossal staging. What it lacked in pizzazz, it made up for in sheer exuberance; it’s like an unpolished gem amid a lot of plastic beads. Come to think of it, you could say the same for “Call Me Maybe.”
Justin Bieber has probably watched Darrin’s Dance Grooves.
You remember Darrin’s Dance Grooves, right? Where the titular Darrin taught you how to dance like a boy-band backup dancer? No. Of course you don’t remember it, because you certainly didn’t watch it and neither did any of us. But you get the idea, right? You get the gist. The gist is here, too.
Oh, and at one point Bieber dances in a box with two neon-clad women and a sign reading “DANGER.” This is going to be the best video to look up in 2022, you guys.
The Wanted could stand to watch Darrin’s Dance Grooves.
We’re just thinking in terms of 2022 YouTube trawls here. What’s the point of a boy-band performance without choreography to match? Wearing tuxedo jackets and switching places on a platform doesn’t quite count.
Katy Perry was in a swing again.
You’ll recall she was in a swing at the 2011 Grammys. They are completely different styles, because one has pink spangles and one has whimsical clouds and mermaid imagery.
LMFAO were LMFAO.
Every LMFAO performance is the same. It’s possible they’re using holograms. (No, but really, it’s possible. What other act on the charts would be more likely to?)
Chris Brown was Chris Brown.
At least this wasn’t the “Turn Up the Music” remix.
Usher did not perform “Climax.”
You think we give a damn about a singles release cycle? DELIVER THE GOODS, URSH. “Scream” is not the goods. Nor is it all that good. OK, the staging’s somewhat good. We’ll give you that, Usher. Just… more tracks like “Climax,” fewer like this?
Bieber freaking LOVED Linkin Park.
Scroll to 3:54 here. It’s not particularly surprising, since he’s on interview record as being a Metallica fan, and teenage Metallica fans of a certain age tend to be Linkin Park fans as well. It’s still the best reaction of the night, easily.
In other news, Mike Shinoda apparently does not age.
Kelly Clarkson was subdued.
“Dark Side” was performed amid chandeliers and low red lighting. There’s a sentence that will completely mislead you on what the performance was like! If it’s moody drama you want, then perhaps the next video on this list will tide you over.
Carrie Underwood performed in front of a bunch of fans.
Because her song is “Blown Away,” which calls for both puns and wind machines. OK, the fans-turned-wind-machines were perhaps at 50% force, breezes rather than gales, and Carrie’s performance was restrained as well. (In other words, Florence Welch this was not.) Still basically worked.
Goodie Mob reunited with Cee-Lo!
If only their comeback single, “Fight to Win,” wasn’t so underwhelming. It’s the sort of track you’d release for a Goodie Mob reunion at a Band-Aid gig, and the novelty value of “GOODIE MOB REUNION!” doesn’t quite mitigate this.
Nelly Furtado did an awesome job translating the video to stage!
By “translating,” we mean that this performance is almost exactly the video: hoop dancers, stilts and all. There’s an unnecessary kinetic-typography bit, so maybe they translated a lyrics video too? Anyway, the song is great and remained so here.
We’d also like to extend a premature courtesy “screw off” to anyone putting her on worst-dressed lists, because YouTube makes us think we have to. The outfit is fine. It’s basic black with fantastic glasses.
Tributes were had.
Below is Jordin Sparks and John Legend paying tribute to Whitney Houston; Natasha Bedingfield(?) was there for Donna Summer, and Cee Lo threw in an Adam Yauch tribute.
Some people got awards, too.
The list is below–although, well, LMFAO won Best Rap Song, which tells you exactly how seriously to take them.
Top Artist: Adele
Top New Artist: Wiz Khalifa
Top Male Artist: Lil Wayne
Top Female Artist: Adele
Top Duo/Group: LMFAO
Top Billboard 200 Artist: Adele
Top Hot 100 Artist: Adele
Top Digital Songs Artist: Adele
Top Radio Songs Artist: Adele
Top Touring Artist: U2
Top Social Artist: Justin Bieber
Top Streaming Artist: Rihanna
Top Digital Media Artist: Adele
Top Pop Artist: Adele
Top R&B Artist: Chris Brown
Top Rap Artist: Lil Wayne
Top Country Artist: Lady Antebellum
Top Rock Artist: Coldplay
Top Alternative Artist: Coldplay
Top Latin Artist: Shakira
Top Dance Artist: Lady Gaga
Top Christian Artist: Casting Crowns
Top Billboard 200 Album: Adele, 21
Top Pop Album: Adele, 21
Top R&B Album: Beyoncé, 4
Top Rap Album: Lil Wayne, Tha Carter IV
Top Country Album: Jason Aldean, My Kinda Party
Top Rock Album: Coldplay, Mylo Xyloto
Top Alternative Album: Coldplay, Mylo Xyloto
Top Latin Album Romeo Santos, Formula: Vol. 1
Top Dance Album: Lady Gaga, Born This Way
Top Christian Album: Casting Crowns, Come To The Well
Top Hot 100 Song: LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”
Top Digital Song: LMFAO Ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”
Top Radio Song: Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer, “Give Me Everything”
Top Streaming Song (Audio): Adele, “Rolling in the Deep”
Top Streaming Song (Video): Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Top Pop Song: LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”
Top R&B Song: Kelly Rowland ft. Lil Wayne, “Motivation”
Top Rap Song: LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”
Top Country Song: Jason Aldean, “Dirt Road Anthem”
Top Rock Song: Foster The People, “Pumped Up Kicks”
Top Alternative Song: Adele, “Rolling In The Deep”
Top Latin Song: Don Omar & Lucenzo, “Danza Kuduro”
Top Dance Song: LMFAO ft. Lauren Bennett & GoonRock, “Party Rock Anthem”
Top Christian Song: Laura Story, “Blessings”
via Popdust http://popdust.com/2012/05/21/billboard-music-awards-video-winners-list/